this just has baby written all over it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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