As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
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Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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