Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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