so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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