Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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