i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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