man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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