When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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