Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize