I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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