Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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