I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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