you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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