I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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