i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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