I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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