I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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