mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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