You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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