we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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