remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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