Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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