I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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