What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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