I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
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