on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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