she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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