DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize