Yo dont text me then not text me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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