Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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