I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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