what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
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I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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