I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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