So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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