I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we're making bets on your personal life
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I forget how to act sober
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