I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize