Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize