I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
3pm strippers are depressing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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