It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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