just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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