Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize