My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
a search helicopter?!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize