New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize