She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think my moral compass just broke
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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