Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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