I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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