oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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