hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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