I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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