did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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