I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
