remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize