My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize